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PARAKEET

transcribed: Sept. 2, 2002 by hecubus303@yahoo.com

*****(four guys are sitting around a table at someones house playing cards)*****

 

GREG: Hey, did I tell you guys Chong died?

DAN: No you didn’t. Thats too bad.

GREG: I just came home and he was dead.

DOUG:
How come no one is ever there when their pets die?

JEFF:
I was there when Pete died.

DOUG:
Your parakeet? Wow... I didn’t even know he was dead.

JEFF:
Well, hes only been dead a few months.

GREG:
Well what were you doing when he died?

DAN:
Were you in a different room and he called you in there?

DOUG:
Did you just sense that something was happening?

JEFF:
Well, I was holding him underwater.

DAN:
Ah, thats always the way they go eh?

GREG:
WAIT WAIT WAIT!!! You were holding him underwater?

JEFF:
Yeah.

DOUG:
Why?!?

JEFF:
Because I was drowning him.

GREG:
Why did you want to drown him?

JEFF:
Well, he was retarded. He had eaten away all the plumage and skin around his neck so that all that was there was the spinal cord. I figured it was in more pain.

DAN:
So you drowned it? How do you drown a parakeet?

JEFF:
I grabbed it and held it in the toilet.

DAN:
Did he put up a fight?

JEFF:
No, it only took about 3 seconds...they have tiny lungs.

GREG:
Well, if all that was there was the spinal cord, you’d think you’d just snap his neck. Wouldn’t you?

JEFF:
Well thats how I killed my other parakeet George

DOUG:
You have some issues don’t you?

JEFF:
I think so... you should hear what I did to my cats.

 

McBRIDE BROTHERS © 2002 Meeker and Co. Productions