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transcribed: Oct. 25, 2000 by

*****(In black and white; abandonned warehouse setting with man on stool)*****

MAN: You know, it just starts with an innocent piece of bread with some mold on it, you don't even really mean to eat it it just happens.

ANNOUNCER: Over three million young people are addicted to fungi. Chances are that your child has been confronted by his or her peers and offered fungi.

MAN: Then eventually you're saving the leftover macaroni and cheese and mashed potatoes and hiding them in the back of the fridge so mold can grow on them. If you don't get caught you work up the courage to buy some mushroom spores from Marcos down the block for $10.00 a dozen. Then I started going to the gym a lot, not because I wanted to work out, but so I could get athlete's foot from the locker room and then suck on my feet. Theres no question that you get mushrooms on your pizza but they aren't very satisfying. You need to have them raw. Finally it takes over your life, until you think that a mushroom cloud is something you inhale when you set a bunch on fire.

ANNOUNCER: 10,000 young people have died in the past year due to an addiction to fungi.

MAN: A bunch of guy and me had set up shop in an old abandonned bowling alley. One night the cops busted us. Everyone got away but (starts tearing up) Joey tried to rescue a stash of of moldy cream cheese and was shot 47 times.

ANNOUNCER: Have you talked to your kids about fungi?


*****(giant letters show below: JUST SAY NO TO FUNGI)*****


McBRIDE BROTHERS © 2000 Meeker and Co. Productions